She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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