Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
