Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
love makes seman taste better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
