My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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