so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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