did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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