I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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