I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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