i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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