I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
