his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
