he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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