He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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