Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
