Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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