I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
