How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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