Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
