my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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