I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
