i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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