Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize