what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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