i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
