Got a toothbrush?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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