i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
