Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
