i barfeds in our rink
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
