When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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