Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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