I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
