He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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