I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
