just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
