fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
