I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
