As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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