i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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