i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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