I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize