sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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