How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
