i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i believe in u and ur pee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
