Someone shit on the floor
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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