No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
