I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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