So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
