After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
