Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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