You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
