As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
