last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
