bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
