My hand turned me down
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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