the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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