Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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