The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize