does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
