have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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