I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
