i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
