dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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