yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
