Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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