You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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