Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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