You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize